I’m starting to remember why I built up the walls in the first place. I don’t really have the personality to shake it off when I feel misunderstood or rejected. I’m a bit neurotic and overly sensitive when it comes to other people’s perceptions and often project my own insecurities onto others. It’s worse when I’m tired and today I was very tired. It’s a vicious cycle really because the insecurities and neurosis feeds the insomnia and then in turn the sleep deprivation feeds the insecurities and neurosis.
I think learning to be honest and comfortable in your own skin means learning to let it roll of of your back when others disagree or misunderstand you. I’m working on that but some days it’s more difficult than others. In retrospect I see that I left myself open to criticism in several different forums at a time when I was already feeling insecure about other issues. I wasn’t balancing the healthy exchange of ideas with a healthy dose of fun and acceptance. It’s fine to disagree and stand your ground but not with several different people at the same time. And not when you don’t have another outlet where you can just relax and let your guard down. I lost sight of that this week and it completely threw me off balance.
It’s always comes back to balance.