When am I going to get to the center of this damn onion?

I was sitting at my computer a few minutes ago looking for plants to buy for my poor, neglected flowerbeds. I decided it was time (after a decade in this house) to give them some much needed attention and thought it would also be a great way to incorporate some exercise into my normal routine. But after about 15 minutes of research I found myself wandering aimlessly into the kitchen, looking for a snack. But I wasn’t hungry. And I wasn’t bored. So what gives?

Normally when I’m working on something, especially online, my mind is occupied and mindless eating isn’t a problem. I will even sometimes forget to eat when I’m engrossed in a project. So, why am I reacting differently to this one? In my mind I reviewed the types of projects I’m normally researching online and this is the list I came up with:

  • parenting
  • education/unschooling/how we learn
  • skepticism/science
  • low-carb cooking
  • travel planning
  • budgeting
  • organizational tools

So, what does this seemingly random list have in common that gardening is lacking. And why would this missing element subconsciously drive me to the kitchen? It didn’t take long for me to figure it out…

I consider myself proficient at all of the things on that list; even though there is always more to learn and understand I consider myself to be capable of learning and understanding them. But I do not consider myself proficient when it comes to gardening. Even when I have a plan the plants usually die. I am not capable. I am not good.  And I’m supposed to be good at everything. Right? RIGHT?!?

Right. Okay, that’s a new layer I need to contemplate for a while…


One response to “When am I going to get to the center of this damn onion?

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