This blog has been pretty quiet for a while now. There are several reasons for this, not the least of which is that I’ve been really busy this summer and found it difficult to find time to post. I have been writing but nothing complete and refined enough that I wanted to publish it for all the world (or the few dozen readers I actually have) to see.
I’ve also been hesitant because most of the things I want to write about seem to be controversial and I don’t want to argue with people online whom I have absolutely zero chance of influencing. I simply don’t do well with my ideas being misrepresented or misunderstood. My stomach ties in knots and I feel absolutely compelled to keep talking until I can *make* the other person see my side. It feels lousy and I don’t like feeling lousy.
Finally, every time I sit down to share something here I find myself wondering, “Who really cares what I have to say about this? Why do I feel the need to share my ideas, thoughts, opinions, activities, etc. with everyone? Sheesh, how self-involved am I to think this blog matters to anyone but me?” Yes, the voice in my head can be quite mean when it comes to my artistic endeavors, especially writing and photography. I’ve tamed her for the most part but self doubt still rears it’s ugly head in these more abstract areas of my life.
And yet, despite all of these reasons to stay away, I still find myself coming back here regularly to pour my thoughts onto the page. I have several drafts I’ve done in the past month or two that may never see the light of day but I also have some ideas floating around that I find myself wanting to share even though I’m busy, anxious or doubtful. Some of them are silly and superficial; others are more thoughtful and reflective. All of them are things that are important to me right now. So, I’ve decided that I’m going to make a conscious effort to share more of them, even if no one cares. 🙂