Loss

I don’t even know where to begin with this but there are some things I need to say about the loss of someone important in my life. We were not close. This wasn’t because we didn’t care about each other a great deal but because life is messy and complicated at times. Sometimes it’s necessary to break old bonds so that new ones can form. Sometimes it’s more hurtful to hold tight than to let go. Sometimes we must protect relationships and the emotional security of people we care about by letting go of others. And then, that person you chose to let go is gone. Not just gone from your life but gone from this life. It gives you pause. You wonder if your independent but seemingly mutual decision not to intrude on each other’s lives was really the right choice.

I’ve pondered this since I learned of a loss yesterday. For me I think it was not only the right choice, but the only choice that could be made. I think it was for him as well. The last time we spoke we spoke simple but emotionally charged words. He held me tight as we sobbed because of another loss and spoke in my ear, “I never forgot you.”

It was what he needed to say and also what I needed to hear. I think we both healed a little in that moment. The last time I was in town I wanted to stop and see him but ran out of time. I felt guilty about that when I got the news but now I think it’s okay. Those few words said all that needed to be said. I returned them to him that day, “I never forgot you either.” And I never will.

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