Today was not a great day. No day when I’m faced with the realities of what it truly means to be diabetic is a great day. I’m supposed to be stronger and better than this. I have good blood glucose control. I’m winning this fight.
And then I’m reminded that, unlike most people, a little slip up isn’t okay.
Last night I ate things I shouldn’t have. I was stressed, annoyed, frustrated. I also didn’t pack enough for my lunch because I was in a hurry. So, after work I overate. Starchy foods. Not a good idea.
Within an hour I was EXHAUSTED. I needed a nap at 4:30 in the afternoon. Then I was too full to eat a proper dinner.
I woke up this morning feeling okay, not fantastic but not horrible. I had a normal, protein rich breakfast and went about my day. At 10:30 AM I noticed I was starving. I don’t usually eat lunch that early so I tried to ignore it. I was arguing with myself- was this a signal from my body that I need food? Or was it simply false hunger brought on by fluctuations in my blood glucose levels? At 11:00 AM I decided it didn’t matter. I HAD to eat. I’d packed plenty today- but still felt hungry. Yep, definitely blood glucose related hunger.
At 1:30 PM I couldn’t ignore it any longer, even though I knew it probably wasn’t true hunger. I walked to the dollar store next door and settled on some mixed nuts. I was absolutely CRAVING protein at this point. The nuts helped a bit. After work I decided to go ahead and go to the gym like I’d planned. I got a little more than half way through my work out and had to stop. I was light headed, seeing spots and felt like I might actually fall off of the elliptical.
I visited with friends, drove the carpool for my daughter’s friend and finally headed home. Still STARVING (this can’t be real hunger)! I ate more protein rich foods. Still very tired as well. Rested for a bit. Made dinner. More protein and fresh veggies. I FINALLY started to feel satiated. The irony of the situation didn’t escape me. I’d felt satiated the day before and ignored it. And now it had eluded me for most of the day.
I’m still overly tired and still have a slight feeling of hunger hanging on. My body is still trying to compensate for I did yesterday. Good blood glucose control doesn’t mean it’s okay to eat things that are bad for me. The control exists because I control it. And when I lose control I pay the price.
It’s funny, my friend and I were talking about eating things that make us feel badly. We both said that sometimes when we’re stressed we think, “I DESERVE this treat!”
But perhaps what I really deserve is to feel energetic, strong and satisfied instead of lethargic and hungry. Food for thought.